Appointment

 

On a scale of one to ten

with ten being the best

how do you feel today?

 

My psychiatrist examines me as

I negotiate with myself

 

Seven, I finally say

Normally, I’m an eight

but this week has been tough

with a kidney stone attack that left me

constipated

and uncertain

 

The questions continue

Are you seeing or hearing things?

Do you really have a cockroach on your forehead, I ask

He smiles

I always say that

 

I don’t tell him about the bugs on my walls

that always run out of sight

when I turn my head

 

A warm up with some simple questions:

Are you drinking?

Smoking pot? Taking other drugs?

before the zingers:

Are you suicidal or homicidal?

Do you have access to weapons?

 

Dumb question, I think

In America, everyone has access to weapons

It’s our God-given right

protected by the Second Amendment

of the Constitution

 

He asks me to stick out my tongue

Very smooth, he always says

his tone congratulatory

 

He asks me to extend my hands

I try to keep them from shaking

 

My tenuous, relative sanity confirmed

we shake hands again

 

I go out to my 1955 Chevy pick-up

its engine simple

no computers to dumbstrike me

no radio to disturb me

a machine as simple as I am complex

 

Powdery blue paint flies off

as I accelerate

 

The bigger the brain

the more problems

That’s my motto in life

 

 

 

 

Mitchell Krockmalnik Grabois’ poems and fictions have appeared in hundreds of literary magazines in the U.S. and abroad. He is a regular contributor to The Prague Revue, and has been thrice nominated for the Pushcart Prize. His novel, Two-Headed Dog, based on his work as a clinical psychologist in a state hospital, is available for 99 cents from Kindle and Nook, or as a print edition.